Hospitals - Not All Bad

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour, surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, Thank you very much. That was wonderful but listen very, very closely.

...A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s- b a c k ???

Sweet Old Ladies

Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Tillie, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

A POKER PLAYER

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Steve accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Steve upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, Steve went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, Steve courageously admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, " Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Steve confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and Steve doesn't, Steve should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon. When Friday rolled around, Steve showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. Steve quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did Steve come by the house this afternoon?" With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?" In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500". Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. Steve came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."
Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player!